Tuesday, March 9, 2010


Ok so I think I have had my first "I feel like I have failed" moment. Remember when I said I pump Ellie's breakfast, lunch, dinner, and everything in between? Well I confess, I am a slacker. I did so good for about a month, but I just gradually quit my every 3 hour routine. It was hard while I was in the hospital waking up in the middle of the night to pump when I was so exhausted and my milk still had not come in. My supply was never enough for me to get far enough ahead to be able to freeze so I was pumping before every feeding just so I could mix in a couple of ounces with her formula. I feel like a bad parent. I am so disappointed in myself! I'm not making excuses, but I really do think that if circumstances had been different and if I had been able to begin nursing her right away, I would have stuck to it. We tried nursing in the NICU a few times and Ellie screamed until she was red in the face and absolutely hated it. I hated it too because I didn't want her to be hungry or uncomfortable so I just settled for the easy way out which was bottle feeding. I guess as long as she is getting fed and is satisfied, that's all that matters. And I am glad she got my milk for the first month or so of her life.

Well, that's my confession. I am getting over it, and I feel better now that I have gotten it off my chest! On a lighter note, here is Ellie's 6 week picture and a couple other cute ones from today!

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